OK. Now we are getting to the serious best man duties. The best man speech. While this can cause the best man a great deal of anxiety, if you plan well ahead and give yourself plenty of time to practice and refine the speech, it’s not so bad.

I started preparing the speech about two weeks before the wedding and this was just enough time. give yourself a bit longer if you can.

I decided that I wanted to include a few things:

• Compliment Bridesmaids on the great job they did and how great they looked.
• Compliment the bride on how great she looked
• Say some nice things about the groom
• Poke fun at the groom
• Give some marriage advice (humorous if possible)
• propose a toast to the newly weds.

I was asked by the bride and groom to speak for no more than three minutes so I had a task to fit everything in that amount of time. At the end of the day, the speech went for about four minutes which I thought was the perfect amount of time…I’ve been to weddings where speeches dragged on a bit and the audience would get restless.

The guests seemed to like my speech, laughing at all the right times. One criticism I had for myself was that I spoke too fast. I could hear myself doing it but I couldn’t stop as I was quite nervous. In hindsight, my advice to others would be to take a deep breath, slow down and relax. Everyone is on your side for this and laughter and applause come very easily!

If you are having trouble coming up with ideas or funny one liners or you are just pressed for time, you can always use preprepared best man speeches.

Anyway, here is the speech I gave. Please feel free to use any of it or all of it for yourself but don’t forget to change the names in it!

Family, and friends on behalf of Frank and Claire, I would like to welcome you all to celebrate their wedding here today. For those who don’t know me, my name is Jimmy and I have been given the great honor of being Frank’s Best Man.

Firstly I’d like to say a very big thank you to the bridesmaids. I have to say they both look wonderful and have done an excellent job. Indeed they are only eclipsed by Claire herself, who, I’m sure you’ll all agree, looks absolutely stunning.

So far the day has been great. I did hear that there was a bit of tension between the two of you when choosing the music for your wedding. I’m glad Claire got the last say otherwise you would have been walking down the isle to Christina Aguilera’s “Ain’t no other man” and the bridal dance would have been to Nolsie’s “What about Me”…I’m serious!

Now I believe it is customary for the best man to subtly poke fun at the groom’s character on these occasions but despite my best efforts to unmask evidence to the contrary, I can only say that my research about Frank has only served to prove that he really is a decent sort of bloke who inspires respect and admiration from friends and family.

I do have to say how lucky you are Frank. You will leave here having gained a wife that is warm, loving and caring. A wife who is funny, smart and looks beautiful.

And Jodi how lucky you are as well you leave today having gained a…gorgeous dress and a lovely bouquet of flowers.

I agreed to be Frank’s Best Man which comes with certain responsibilities, and I’m sure you’ll all agree that I’ve done a great job so far.

• He arrived sober…but judging by his silly grin, that is a thing of the past.
• He was looking pretty sharp…but look whose outfit he copied!
• Got him here on time. Well I can’t really take the credit for that considering he drove himself here because he won’t let anyone else drive his precious car (which, mind you, he referred to as the blue bomb until Tom gave it to him when he was 16).
• And finally, kept any ex-girlfriends away from the ceremony. But I suppose I can’t take all the credit for that one either since the recent horse flu took care of most of them.

It might be because of Frank’s competitive nature that he loves a good argument. He was explaining to me one night over a few beers that he knows how to beat Claire in any argument weather he is right or wrong. The trick is, he explains, is to make your argument and then proclaim “AND THATS FACT” because according to Frank you simply can’t argue with a fact. Frank, I can’t say I have had much success with this tactic and I have not even tried your plan B which is when you continually interrupt your opponent by going bzzz in their face.

It’s a tradition for the best man to offer some advice to the newly weds so here are a few things you should keep in mind:

• Frank, Set the ground rules and establish whose boss…and then do everything Claire says.
• The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget your first one.
• Whenever you’re wrong, be a man and admit it, when you are right say nothing.

Frank, we’ve had some excellent times together over the years, and I know we will continue to do so in the future. You have been a good friend to me and it really is a great honor to be your Best Man today.

So then, Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me immense pleasure, not to mention relief, to invite you all to raise your glasses in a toast to Frank and Claire, the new Mr and Mrs Smith who we wish well for the future, and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage.

Please feel free to leave comments about this best man speech as I would love to hear some feedback. In my next post I’ll write about the various best man duties you have on the actual wedding day.